“Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes.”
― Mahatma Gandhi
You create your own suffering. According to science, most of our problems are not caused by reality, but by our perceptions. CBT Techniques helps people take ownership and accept their role in ‘creating’ their own suffering.
People don’t just get upset. They contribute to their upsetness. It is not what happens that holds you back, but your judgmental beliefs about it.
See what happens when you reframe your thoughts.
1. Don’t try to be happy if you want to be truly happy
Your pursuit of happiness can quickly turn into an obsession. The more you chase it, the less you will enjoy it. We expect happiness to happen to us, rather than develop appreciation.
Consciously or not, we all desire and fear happiness at the same time. Train your mind to value what you have rather than feeling frustrated because of what you don’t.
Happiness is a by-product, not a goal. Start by appreciating small chores. Enjoying something is the path towards loving it in the long run.
2. Stop blaming others
What others do is on them. How you react is on you. No one out there will let you out of your (perceived) misery. Stop waiting for someone to fix your problems. It’s up to you.
Other people can influence how you live, only if you let them. Being in charge of your life is your responsibility.
Jim Carrey said: “The decisions we make at this moment are based on either love or fear. So many of us choose our path out of fear disguised as practicality.”
When you stop blaming, you start owning your life’s course.
3. Adapt, as water does
Fighting what you can’t manage or what didn’t go your way, will only get you stuck. Adapting to reality doesn’t mean giving up your dreams. On the contrary, when you stop fighting lost battles you can focus your energy on what really matters.
Learn to be fluid and adaptive as water.
Lao Tzu said: “Water will wear away rock, which is rigid and cannot yield. As a rule, whatever is fluid, soft, and yielding will overcome whatever is rigid and hard. This is another paradox: what is soft is strong.”
4. Stop overthinking and jump
Take the leap. Move into action.
There’s no worse outcome than being paralyzed. No one has the answers to what’s right. You’ll learn as you go. The more you do something, the better you become at it. Mastery requires practice. Doing is how you get there.
Jumping into action is easy once you stop thinking about the consequences. If babies could think, they’d never learn to walk.
Learn to trust your second brain, your gut. Said Shelley Levit: “It’s good to have a bright, analytical brain, but at the end of the day, the stomach is the smartest organ in the body.”
5. Learn to live with your thoughts, not through them
There’s a wolf inside us all battling to take over. When you feed your thoughts, you let the beast take over. Thinking is natural, but looking at life through your thoughts will eat you alive.
Your thoughts distort your perspective. Get rid of that lens.